Thursday, November 15, 2012

It's the Hardest thing I'll Ever Have To Do

The prompt for today is the hardest thing I've had to experience in my life. I want to preface this by saying I have been incredibly blessed to not have had to endure any terrible tragedies and I know there are many people who have things worse than I do. That being said, here it is.

The hardest thing I have experienced in my life so far was my first year of teaching. My college graduation was a pretty bittersweet day to be honest. I went to a WELS college and the way it works at graduation you typically go up for a call, meaning based on your strengths and the needs of the congregation/school a call is extended to you and you are placed in a teaching position.

Imagine my disappointment when I was not called anywhere. It turned out that the school where one of my good friends received a call to had an opening for a  preschool co-teacher, so on an impulsive whim I applied for it, and offered the job. Living with a friend, in Florida, co-teaching preschool...what could be better?

Four days after graduation I got engaged and another acquaintance from school had taken a position at the school and the three of us were going to live together. 

By October, I had moved out of our apartment and lost a pretty good friend. The job turned out to be nothing like I expected, and I was trying to plan a wedding from 1000 miles away. I was sad all the time. I was stressing over my job, trying too hard to please people, and worrying about my wedding so much that at one point I made myself physically sick. 

I had to pick and choose which vacations were worth the money to fly home, otherwise I sat in my apartment alone. And the times I was able to make the trip I had to decide between going to see J or going to see my family. J's and my schedules never seemed to line up and trying to get time to talk or
 Skype just made things harder and we argued a lot. 

I hated not being able to plan my wedding with my mom or my friends or most importantly my fiancĂ©! I had to do everything via proxy and email pictures. I hated not seeing J for months at a time during our year engagement. I couldn't tell you how many times I sat in airports trying to hide my crying snotty sniffly face because I just did not want to go back after I had visited home. 

I am thankful for my experience in Florida and know that I learned a lot, but it was a really hard year for me. If you finished reading this post, bless you. This was not meant to be a pity party. Back to happy posts tomorrow!

xo Steph


  1. I'm not a teacher and have no desire to be a teacher, but I can only imagine that the first year teaching is probably 50% awesome, and 50% utterly awful. My sister is in her first year teaching and wow...she is so busy and stressed out so much of the time, I don't know how she does it. I guess it's one of those careers you truly have to love - kudos to you for sticking with it!!! I couldn't do it... :)

  2. bless your heart!!! dang. so glad you can reflect on it!