Thursday, May 26, 2016

Ch-Ch-Changes

Well, hello. It's sure been a while. Some things have happened.

I made the switch from iPhone to Android. Very exciting, I know.

I'm watching Gilmore Girls...again. I'm still firmly planted on the side of Team Logan and can't wait to see what this revival brings.

Oh. And I'm going through a career change. The school where I teach is a small, two-room school. Long story short, the decision was made to add a part-time teacher who would teach only preschool, and divide the other grades between the two full-time teachers. So I put my name in to be considered for the part-time preschool position.

A variety of different things have influenced this decision. First of all, I like teaching preschool. When I was in college, teaching preschool was not something I pictured myself doing at all. But since I graduated five years ago that's what I've been doing, and I have grown to love it. This past year though, I have taught Kindergarten and a handful of 1st and 2nd grade classes along with preschool and it has just been a lot.

Which leads me to another factor; when it was decided that we would add on a part-time preschool teacher, it meant that the other classrooms would be split into a Kindergarten-3rd grade room and a 4th-7th room. I would have been the Kindergarten-3rd teacher, and I just don't think that's where my gifts are.

And of course, the thing that has been weighing on my mind every single day since June 19, 2015: I just want to be a mom. From the second I found out I was pregnant with Jesse, I knew that I wanted to stay home with him if at all possible. I was prepared to find some sort of part-time job if necessary, but I was going to be done teaching.

But then things changed. My baby was gone and this huge step that I was ready to take was no longer there. I cried all the way to church on the morning of our Welcome Back Brunch. I love my students, and families, and faculty. But being at school this year when what I desperately wanted was to be home raising my baby was just too hard.

Maybe these reasons don't make sense. Maybe they're selfish and maybe they're silly. But they're mine. And once 12:00 hits next Friday, I will be a part-time preschool teacher. Maybe I will be something else too. I'm still figuring out what I will do in the afternoons. I'm still figuring out a lot of things.

I thought that by now, approaching 27 years old, I would have it all figured out. I do not. And maybe that's okay. Because even though I may not know what's going to happen next, God does.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11