In reality, it has been ridiculous amounts of Golden Girls and wandering around the house looking for things to do so I don't sit on the couch going crazy. I've washed a thousand dishes, taken out and washed all of the shelves and drawers of the refrigerator, and folded mountains of laundry...because already the baby laundry never ends. I've also been getting all kinds of facebook posts, texts, and questions asking if there's "Any baby news yet?!" and it's driving me nuts. I. Will. Tell. You. When. He's. Here.
Last week was hard. I ended up having a doctor's appointment on the due date anniversary of my baby in heaven, and it happened to be the only doctor's appointment that Justin missed. Sitting on the cold table by myself brought back a crazy wave of memories and I ended up crying through the appointment and talking to the doctor about how scared I am for this baby. Praise God that I have a wonderful and caring doctor who kept handing me tissues and talking me down from hysteria.
I had my last appointment yesterday (no tears were shed). Last week I was dilated to 3-4, and yesterday was 4-5. She kept joking "I can't believe you're walking around like this and nothing has happened...you're just not normal". So
Now I'm sitting around waiting for labor signs and over-analyzing every little twinge and cramp wondering if this is "it". Over the course of about a day I have gone from wanting this kid to stay in and cook as long as he needed to (after all, he's not due until Saturday...plenty of time!), to being completely over it and ready. So I'm waiting. And trying hard to practice patience and trust; neither of which are strong points of mine, so I'm really looking forward to this path being straightened out.