Wednesday, May 17, 2017


Sometimes I am up, showered, and dressed before the baby even makes a peep. And sometimes I drag myself to his room and beg him to give me just ten more minutes.

Sometimes I am so productive that I feel like I could conquer the world with a baby in one arm and a laundry basket on my hip. Sometimes I feel like it's a major success if one of us makes it through the day in the same clothes we started the day in. Bonus points if the clothes I started the day in are not the same clothes that I slept in the night before. 

Sometimes the thought of picking up that freaking pacifier that he dropped for the millionth time makes me want to pull my hair out. But sometimes he smiles at me from behind the pacifier and I feel like my heart is going to explode.

Sometimes I have eggs and toast for breakfast and sip on coffee while he sleeps. Sometimes I down a can of mountain dew and a handful of potato chips in between diaper changes, laps around the dining room, and other soothing techniques.

Sometimes I get housework done while Jackson watches from his seat, smiling and cooing. Sometimes I bounce a screaming baby in my arms while trying to stop the asshole cat from whatever idiocy he has gotten himself into.

Sometimes I talk with calmness and confidence about Jackson's surgery and helmet therapy, but sometimes I sit by myself and cry because I want to kiss my son's head and hold him without the straps on his helmet scratching my arms. Sometimes even though I know he is getting the help he needs and won't have any memory of this, I wish for a page in my planner with no doctor's appointments.

Sometimes I am determined to put him in his crib awake and letting him learn to sleep on his own. Sometimes I rock, and sing, and snuggle because I know that too soon he will be big and those moments will be gone.

Sometimes it feels silly to read a book to my two month old baby when he seems as though he couldn't care any less, but sometimes I keep reading long after he has fallen asleep because I need to know what happened to Penguin on his big adventure.

Sometimes super exciting things happen and I think "I can't wait to write a super exciting blog post about that!" and then sometimes I can't think of anything interesting and we end up with posts like this.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017


Listening to: You guys. My husband directs the musical every year at his high school. Sometime in early spring he picks the musical for fall, and once it's decided it's played non stop around our house. This year it's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I've never seen this musical. I don't know the words to the songs. But I am humming them allthedamntime. I just got Hello Dolly out of my head.

Watching: Grey's Anatomy, again. I needed something different, but also that I didn't need to spend too much brain power on. If I miss some or even most of an episode, it's not hard to catch back up; outrageous emergency, twisted love triangle, tragic death. Can we please have a moment of silence for Denny Duquette?! After 8 years is this still considered a spoiler? Sorry.

Strawberry rhubarb yogurt. Did you know this existed? I love rhubarb. Even though I'm not much of a yogurt eater, I had to try this. It's. So. Good.

Drinking: Caffeine. Specifically in the form of Coca-Cola. It's bad. I also had my first post-baby alcoholic beverage--a very small, very weak Jameson and ginger ale. Hello, friends, it's good to have you back.

Reading: I wish I was reading a book. I have a few books sitting on my nightstand that I really want to read but I am positive that if I sat down to read a book my eyes would close before I finished the first paragraph.

Working on: My reyna shawl that I started like two years ago. I've ripped it out and restarted it twice, but it's knitting up really quickly. I've had lots of good car knitting time between trips to the children's hospital and trips to Justin's parents' house.

Waiting for: Yarn that I ordered from KnitPicks, and organ music I ordered for a wedding I am playing for. AND, we got some newborn/family pictures taken this past weekend and I can't wait to see them!

Loving: The fact that Jackson has been a napping rock star so far this week (knock on all the wood). Monday while he was sleeping I put away all the clothes that have been sitting in baskets for far too long. I have never been so excited about laundry.

Not loving: I packed up a box of clothes that already don't fit Jackson anymore. What?! Pass the tissues, please.