Sometimes I am up, showered, and dressed before the baby even makes a peep. And sometimes I drag myself to his room and beg him to give me just ten more minutes.
Sometimes I am so productive that I feel like I could conquer the world with a baby in one arm and a laundry basket on my hip. Sometimes I feel like it's a major success if one of us makes it through the day in the same clothes we started the day in. Bonus points if the clothes I started the day in are not the same clothes that I slept in the night before.
Sometimes the thought of picking up that freaking pacifier that he dropped for the millionth time makes me want to pull my hair out. But sometimes he smiles at me from behind the pacifier and I feel like my heart is going to explode.
Sometimes I have eggs and toast for breakfast and sip on coffee while he sleeps. Sometimes I down a can of mountain dew and a handful of potato chips in between diaper changes, laps around the dining room, and other soothing techniques.
Sometimes I get housework done while Jackson watches from his seat, smiling and cooing. Sometimes I bounce a screaming baby in my arms while trying to stop the asshole cat from whatever idiocy he has gotten himself into.
Sometimes I talk with calmness and confidence about Jackson's surgery and helmet therapy, but sometimes I sit by myself and cry because I want to kiss my son's head and hold him without the straps on his helmet scratching my arms. Sometimes even though I know he is getting the help he needs and won't have any memory of this, I wish for a page in my planner with no doctor's appointments.
Sometimes I am determined to put him in his crib awake and letting him learn to sleep on his own. Sometimes I rock, and sing, and snuggle because I know that too soon he will be big and those moments will be gone.
Sometimes it feels silly to read a book to my two month old baby when he seems as though he couldn't care any less, but sometimes I keep reading long after he has fallen asleep because I need to know what happened to Penguin on his big adventure.
Sometimes super exciting things happen and I think "I can't wait to write a super exciting blog post about that!" and then sometimes I can't think of anything interesting and we end up with posts like this.